


Leave A Message

by Vanilla_Ella



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Lots of it, M/M, Mild Fluff, general misery, mental pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 11:14:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13006611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla_Ella/pseuds/Vanilla_Ella
Summary: It's the year 2023.The hiatus never ended.





	Leave A Message

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to post this on Friday, but I figured why wait if it's already done :/
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and I'm sending you lots of love and strength. We can get through this hiatus together <333

"He hasn't sent a message, Jenna."

Tyler's voice is quiet, rough in the same characteristic way it's been for a long time. He's staring blankly out at the Columbus snow, eyes shining with unshed tears. He seldom allows himself the relief to cry during the day, when the light of the sun is shining in his face.

It reminds him too much of Josh, with how warm, how sweet the light is, gently letting off waves of energy to help nourish and keep together the surrounding bodies of the galaxies.

But with the clouds blocking the light of the sun, hiding it away from the world, but more importantly, from Tyler's world, it's difficult to restrain the tears, to hide the burning hurt that had scarred his heart years ago.

Sebastian is sitting in the living room, connecting his mega-sized legos with chubby hands. He's adorable, absorbed in his own world of creating, building. 

Jenna knows that Tyler puts his brave face on, encourages his son to do the best he can in influencing the world, recreating it and helping it grow in his own image, even if it's just by clicking together brightly colored blocks and filling in blank spaces with crayons and markers.

It's difficult for Tyler, seeing as how his last attempt years ago to do the very same he encourages his son all went down the drain, slipped out of his hands in the quickest, most unexpected moment.

Jenna approaches her husband silently, placing down the bread rolls she had been buttering for dinner. He's sitting at the kitchen table, looking out blankly at the large windows of their home, his ever-present frown and slight creases of stress gracing his face.

"Honey," she murmurs quietly, carefully reaching out and cradling his head in her arms, drawing him to her chest. "I know it's been a while, but you're his best friend. I'm sure he'll send a message sometime soon."

"We haven't talked in so long," Tyler whispers, the lump in his throat choking his words and making them seem like a thousand claws, scraping their way up and into his mouth.

"He remembers you," she promises. "I know he remembers you and I'm sure he misses you just as much too."

She knows her words aren't all too comforting to her husband, and Tyler just sighs, silently putting his arm around her waist and pushing his face into her chest.

"Want him back," Tyler mumbles, and Jenna frowns.

"Me too."

 

•••••••

 

When nighttime rolls around, it always gets worse.

It's not unusual for Tyler to cry himself to sleep, although these months it's been happening less and less. 

But when he gets tired, he becomes extremely worn out, to the point where he'll burst into tears at any given moment, at least at night, when the day's frustrations and let-downs have all but pent up in his overworked body.

"Please, please," Tyler begs and begs, the words almost never changing. Tears are rolling steadily down his cheeks, onto his pillow.

Jenna rubs his back, heartbroken as she watches Tyler send messages over and over to Josh, saying the same things he'd been saying for years.

Sometimes when he sends Josh messages, he talks about his days, and sometimes he talks about his nights.

But it always ends in the same way, with Tyler in tears and begging for a response, a message, just to know Josh is alright, Josh is doing okay.

He never answers, and Jenna would be disappointed and hurt with Josh if she weren't so busy trying to console Tyler.

"I'm sorry, love," she says, taking the cellphone from him.

At this point, he knows better than to fight, knows that continuing on with this one-sided conversation will only hurt him more, so he lets Jenna have the phone, but he buries his face in his hands.

Despair, anger, pain--they aren't strangers anymore.

"I want him back," Tyler repeats brokenly, burying his face into her shoulder. "I just wanna h-hold him one more time."

"I know, sweetheart, I know..."

"He was th-the only one who bothered to keep me warm when I was sad and I had no one," Tyler continues, repeating what he says to her nearly every night. "He was the only one who--"

"--was able to make you feel happy again, I know, Tyler," and although she also knows he doesn't mean to say it to make her feel inadequate or unworthy compared to Josh, it still hurts most of the time. Only in the sense that she knows she will never, and no one, for that matter, will ever replace Josh.

"J-just want him to talk to me..."

The mere pain in his voice is enough to bring tears to Jenna's eyes.

"He'll send you a message soon," she whispers into his ear. "Its been a while, but he's sent an "I'm okay" message to nearly every member of his immediate family. I'm sure you're next."

It's been six years since then.

And Tyler doesn't think he will.

 

••••

 

Sebastian is four; still learning his words but surprisingly verbal for his age, with wide ocean eyes and chocolate brown hair. Pink-cheeked and adorable, he never fails to make Tyler feel a little bit complete, not so broken. 

He helps Tyler forget, even if it's just the small moments he spends with his baby.

Sometimes, it's this fact that drives Tyler away from Sebastian, because he doesn't want to forget. He clings onto each memory, like shards of a broken vase, cutting and slicing up his hands with each of Josh's smiles, his laughter.

It's because of this that Tyler doesn't get to spend as much time as he should with Sebastian, though the little boy does all he can to grab his father's attention, crawling towards him with wide smiles and plastic toys in his hands.

There are days when Tyler, however, wants to forget, wants to banish each and every thought and memory of his best friend from his mind.

It's days like these that make all the other times Tyler somewhat ignored his son worth it, because he spends every waking moment of these kind of days with his baby, cuddling him and kissing him over and over.

Tyler acts silly on those days, but more importantly, he acts alive, as if he didn't die six years ago when Josh suddenly disappeared. Jenna almost always cries with happiness, seeing the two of them play and interact with one another like they're supposed to.

Tyler reads Sebastian stories, builds cities with him. He feeds him and changes his diaper, insisting on being the one to solely take care of Sebastian that day, blowing raspberries into his tummy and kissing his soft skin.

It's pale and freckled just the tiniest bit, disturbingly similar to his Josh's skin, but Tyler tries hard not to think about it.

Sebastian never laughs, only ever smiling widely at his father, grabbing his large finger in his own tiny hand.

"Do 'gain, dada!" he pleads, grinning as Tyler smiles and indulges him, leaning down and pressing his lips to his belly before blowing wetly.

Sebastian smiles widely, so widely he looks like it might split his face, and Tyler laughs, picks him up.

There are bubble baths and lullabies at the end of the day, gentle ones Tyler doesn't sing, but plays on his mini keyboard. It's difficult to use his voice in the way he did with Josh without breaking down, so he never risks it, only ever playing simple melodies for his baby.

Sebastian is sleepy-eyed, still grinning softly.

"Pwetty," he declares, rubbing his hand over his eyes and yawning.

"Like it, baby boy?" Tyler inquires, turning it off and putting it under the bed. His hand comes to rest of Sebastian's belly, rubbing gently.

"Dada?"

"Yeah?"

"Can y' tell me a story?" Sebastian blinks tiredly, eyes drooping but hopeful.

"I don't know, sweetheart, you're very tired--"

"Pwease?" he pouts prettily, sticking out his bottom lip. "Don't have t' be long."

Tyler sighs. "Baby--"

"Tell me 'bout Uncle Joshie."

Tyler's heart catches in his throat, eyes widening. He feels like it's happening all over again, the heartache taking over suddenly and scratching his fragile love like a record after almost going through an entire day with barely a thought of Josh.

"Wha--who...who told you about him?" he asks shortly, eyes getting misted over as he stares at the innocent, oblivious face in front of him.

"Momma," Sebastian answers, gripping Tyler's hand on his stomach with his little ones and holding it. "Whenever you cwy at the nighttime, momma says it's 'cuz Uncle Joshie made you sad."

"Cry?" Tyler repeats nervously, feeling sick and a little guilty his four year old knows he breaks down every night. 

Sebastian nods, frowning the tiniest bit, though slowly, a smile takes over.

"Tell me 'bout him, dada," he demands just before he furrows his little brow. "Wanna see how he make you sad." 

Tyler inhales sharply, turns his head away to hide his face from his baby.

"I don't know if that's a good--"

"Dada, wanna see how Uncle Joshie so mean," Sebastian whines high-pitched, rubbing Tyler's hand against his belly and pouting up at him. "Wanna fix," he adds, gesturing to Tyler's frown, and if the older man thought he was gonna cry earlier at the mere mention of his best friend, he's really on the edge of doing so with his baby declaring he wanted to make him happy again.

He takes a shaky breath, swallows the tears as best as he can. "Sweetheart...I appreciate that, but--"

"Nooo.." Sebastian drawls, shaking his head. "Uncle Joshie mean..."

Tyler huffs, the four year old's stubbornness a trait he surely inherited from his mother. "He's...he's not mean, love."

Then Sebastian looks confused, his simple mind doing a 360. "Weally?"

"Yes," Tyler says softly, and his baby waits patiently.

It's the absolute silence of their suburban area that encourages Tyler to go on, just to fill the deafening quiet. 

"He.." Tyler sucks in a breath, trying to gain composure, or at least, what he can salvage of it. "Uncle Joshie was..."

Tyler looks down, unable to deal with the wave of oncoming emotions, just the thought of Josh in his head making him feel teary. But one swipe of Sebastian's little hand across his own is all he needs to break open, biting his lip nervously as tears begin slowly overflowing his eyes.

"He was my...my everything," Tyler begins slowly, smiling bitterly as so many memories begin flashing through his brain. "He was so sweet, so gentle, and so beautiful."

"Weally?" Sebastian inquires, blinking rapidly. "Pwetty Uncle Joshie?"

Tyler lets out a wet laugh. "The prettiest," he confirms.

"What happen, dada?"

Tyler sucks in a breath, a flash of white-hot pain slicing his soul at that very moment.

Thankfully, he hears the door creak open, saving him from explaining himself and his past relationship further, soft footsteps padding through the tan carpet.

"Hey baby," Jenna coos softly, approaching her child and stroking his hair delicately out of his face.

"Momma!" he cries, a disappointed pout on his face. "Dada saying about Uncle Joshie!"

Jenna freezes, and Tyler can see her making incredulous, unbelieving eyes at their son.

"It's okay," he says softly after a long, quiet pause in the air, bending forward and kissing Sebastian's forehead. Just before he stands, little arms come to wrap around his neck tightly.

"Dada," he mumbles, sniffling.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

Sebastian is quiet for a while, as if he's thinking.

"Wanna meet Uncle Joshie."

Tyler hears Jenna's breath hitch, feels a nervous ball begin forming in his stomach at the thought. 

It's been so long.

Too long.

Jenna steps in, sounding unsure. "Baby, I don't know--"

"Pwease!" Sebastian cries, snuggling further into Tyler's arms and squirming in his usual desperate act. "I act cool so he like me! Pwease, dada!"

Tyler smiles a bit heartbrokenly at that. "You wouldn't have to do that, baby. He'd love you."

"Then pwease?" Sebastian pouts, pulling away to look into Tyler's eyes. His gaze is so sweet, innocent and open, and Tyler's heart melts. "Dada, pwease?"

Tyler's quiet for a short while, runs his hand through his chocolate hair.

"Alright."

His eyes light up. "Oh thank you, dada!"

"Now, time to sleep, love," he says softly, tucking his child into bed and pulling the covers over his little body.

Sebastian's eyes are sparkling, and he looks so excited, like he can't contain himself. Perhaps with the way Tyler was verbally exposing himself as someone who practically kissed the ground his best friend walked on, it wasn't any surprise that Sebastian was extremely excited now.

"Good night," Tyler mumbles, kissing his forehead once more and standing so his wife can swoop in and do the same.

When they both leave the room, Jenna catches him by the arm just as he begins to walk away.

Her ocean eyes are full of concern, sympathy, and regret.

"I'm sorry," she whispers quietly, shutting Sebastian's door gently. "He keeps asking me every night why he hears you crying and I was just so stressed yesterday I couldn't help but--"

"It's okay," Tyler promises, and although the whole situation is touchy and delicate, a part of him is happy that his son knows Josh. It feels long overdue. "He should know about his practical second father, anyway."

Jenna smiles, rolling her eyes and pretending to be exasperated. "You two were basically married anyways."

"We were," Tyler agrees softly, looking down and unable to stop himself from smiling at the sudden surge of nostalgic love fills his soul.

He's known it for eternity, but he loves Josh, so much it nearly hurts to think about it.

"You don't have to bring him, yknow?" Jenna adds quietly, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it reassuringly. "He's still small.. he probably won't even remember asking tomorrow."

"No, no..I want to bring him," Tyler sighs. "He's never met Josh and...well, I figure it's time I paid my best friend a visit."

Jenna nods, though the reluctance in her eyes are still as clear as day. "I can come with you guys if you want?"

"No, it's okay, love," he smiles, squeezes her hand, though he feels his stomach tumble in nervousness already. "We'll manage."

 

•••••

 

It's cold, barely snowing when they arrive.

Sebastian's little face is contorted in confusion as he looks out of the window, but he holds his questions to himself as Tyler carefully unbuckles his little joy, taking him into his arms.

The cold air pierces his lungs as he stands straight up and breathes in, heart throbbing painfully as he breathes out. 

Each step becomes more and more of an agony for Tyler, and he feels heavier and heavier each moment as he draws closer and closer to his best friend.

He feels faint, ready to collapse in the white snow. Sebastian keeps calling his name softly, sounding confused, baby breath warming his cheek. 

Tyler, unable to form a reply or even understand what his son is saying, stops just as he comes in front of the vivid flowers painted in the whites and blues of winter, lying in the grass and adorning the cold snow with their delicate, bruised petals.

Tyler stares, frozen for a moment, his heart racing wildly as he stares at gray stone.

It's been too long, he knows, but there's a reason for that.

It takes his child tugging his coat in gloved hands to bring him back to reality, saying things in the background of the intense ringing beginning to sound in Tyler's ears.

He bends down, knees coming into contact with the freezing snow, sitting on his feet and folded legs.

"Here's Uncle Joshie, love," he whispers, gently placing his child on his lap and facing him forward.

There's absolute silence for a few moments, and Tyler knows he can't understand.

It's better this way, he thinks bitterly, almost wishing it was himself who couldn't comprehend the situation and thus save him from more pain.

It takes a while before Tyler's able to work up some courage to do anything other than stare at the stone slate in front of them, carefully reaching his hand out, a lump in his throat. 

He bends forward, presses his lips against the cold gravestone.

It's as close as he'll get to kissing Josh now. 

"Hey, baby," he mumbles, stroking his fingers over the smooth concrete. 

Sebastian watches his father carefully, silenced in the absolute reverence Tyler shows in the way his fingertips just barely touch the stone, the way his blue lips gently touch with all the love and gentleness in the world.

Tyler pulls back after a moment, looking down at his little love.

"Wanna play in the snow, sweetheart?" he questions softly, picking the young boy up and placing him nearby under the bare tree hanging over Josh's grave, where the leaves of fall used to adorn.

Sebastian nods, sitting quietly on the snow and picking some up in his gloved hands.

Tyler turns his attention back to Josh, mind at peace with knowing how close his child is, so very close he can hear each little breath his sweetheart takes.

He stares silently at the gravestone for a few moments, Sebastian's soft nonsense babbling filling the air.

"It's been a while," Tyler says, scratching the back of his neck as he sits back down on the snow just in front of Josh's grave, looking down wordlessly.

Snowflakes fall gently around him, the wind blows icy against his cheek, keeping him grounded in the present, grounded in the quickly increasing pain.

"I miss you," he confesses, feeling tears begin filling his eyes. "It's been six years already, and I still miss you so much."

He sighs, feels the slightly warmed air escape his lungs only to be replaced by ice.

"So much has happened, so much you haven't been here for," Tyler adds nervously, glancing at Sebastian who sits contentedly, patting the snow aimlessly around himself. "But I wish you were here. Not even just because we haven't been able to make new music, or put out that last album we were working on...but because you're my best friend, and I want you here."

Tyler sighs, struggling to find the right words. Even just looking at the simple slate with his best friend's name is incredibly difficult.

"It just happened so quick, J," he whispers. "Everything was so normal and all it took was one drunk driver and a red light for me to lose everything."

His fingers clench, brain physically curdling in pain and anger. 

"But why'd it have to be you?" Tyler doesn't want to burst into tears but it feels like it's gonna happen whether he wants it to or not. "There was so much we had planned, so much we didn't get to do.

"I miss you, Josh. I just...miss you." A tear escapes his eye, followed quickly by another. "I haven't seen your smile in so long, it hurts too much to look at pictures of us.. I haven't heard your laugh, and I'd kill to hear it again because it was my favorite sound."

The only response he gets is the frosted wind blowing bitterly against his cheek.

"Josh," he looks down at the gravestone, and it's mere dullness seems to scream and mock him. Josh was so colorful and full of life, each word or movement saturated in vibrancy, and the simple gray of the stone seems like an insult. "I know this is a horrible thing to say, and I shouldn't even be saying anything like this at all but..."

He takes a deep breath and steels himself.

"Sometimes I feel like you've... forgotten me."

He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, and now that they're in the air, it all seems too real, every lonely day and night piercing his heart like a bullet.

"You've sent messages to everyone after you left," he continues, trying to ignore the familiar jealousy starting to eat his brain. "Your siblings had dreams of you that helped console them, your parents had strange, unnatural things happen around the house that only ever happened when you were home."

He sucks in a sharp breath. "They've heard drumming in their basement, felt your presence. They knew you were okay."

A laugh tumbles out of his mouth as he shakes his head, covering his mouth momentarily as tears begin filling his eyes again. "Even fricking Debby called me and told me she heard your voice at night, whispering things you used to say and calming her whenever she began to cry over you."

Another tear rolls down his cheek. "How could you forget me though? You were my best friend, my whole world, and I heard nothing from you--"

He quickly stops himself, getting too choked up to continue. 

He turns his eyes away from Josh's gravestone, looking for some sort of relief or distraction from the heavy pangs in his heart, instead opting to watch his child grab and squeeze the snow in his little hands, too enthralled in the white wonderland to even think of looking up and meeting his father's gaze.

Maybe it's the sight of seeing someone, so young and innocent, another someone he loves so dearly, and knowing the inevitable emotional pain that would undoubtedly come his way, the inevitable heartbreak that was bound to happen to his young soul sooner or later, that suddenly hardens his heart, bites the inside of his cheek as anger poisons his sorrow.

Would Sebastian's demise come at the hands of his only true love as well, just like his accursed father?

"I guess I didn't mean a thing to you, huh?" he whispers, words shades of dark sullenness. "All those times you said you needed me, all those times you said you loved me, they weren't true, were they?"

He stands up, glaring as best as he can through barely held-back tears, staring at the snow and dirt that covers his best friend.

"You've probably forgotten all about that stupid, suicidal boy from years ago," he spits, trying to ignore the part of his soul that cries, that begs him to stop saying such venomous words, but most of him knows Josh can't hear him anyway. "Well, good for you. I hope you're happy wherever you are, and I hope you're best friends with someone in heaven you actually care about."

He's unable to stay for any longer once those last words fall from his mouth, and he quickly turns, marches over to Sebastian, swooping the young boy up in his arms.

The four year old quickly looks around the cemetery in a bewildered, lost kind of way, clearly confused after being plucked from the snow as suddenly as the last autumn flower.

He doesn't say a word until he's safely buckled in, until Tyler is sitting in the front seat, staring at the windshield and deathly silent, unmoving.

"Dada?" he says softly.

Tyler turns the ignition.

 

••••••

 

The moment they return to the house and enter, Tyler ignores Jenna's greetings from the kitchen, walking quickly to the living room and gently placing his son on the soft carpet, stalking off to his bedroom.

There are tears still on his cheeks from when he was driving, from when he was at the cemetery. No matter how much he runs his hands across his face to wipe them away, they never seem to leave, permanently marked on his face like the ink on his body, the name on his thigh of a certain drummer that seems to weigh his leg down everyday.

He unwinds the scarf from around his neck, throws his beanie to the floor. It feels like forever before he's able to get to his bed, collapsing on it.

He stares at the wall emptily, regretting everything. He feels horrible, not for what he said, but for even visiting Josh at all. Staying away from his grave was all that was keeping him from going completely crazy, knowing how much it would hurt to look at his best friend as nothing more than a slate of concrete.

Fifteen minutes pass, then an hour. He hears soft footsteps, feels a dip in the bed.

"Hey, Ty," Jenna says quietly, running her thin fingers through his hair.

Tyler only sniffs, shaking as he holds back more tears.

"Oh love," she sighs. "I know Josh--"

"Don't," he hisses quietly, feeling anger reignite in his heart. "Don't, Jenna."

"Okay," she says softly, sounding hesitant and a bit defeated, and keeps stroking his hair.

 

••••••

 

It happens the morning of Christmas Eve.

Tyler lies in bed, staring blankly at the wall as he tries to block out the world, the shining fairy lights strung outside, the tiny snowflakes dancing in the air.

His heart is heavy as ever, not even the holiday cheer around him in the forms of laughter and Christmas carols able to lift his heart.

It's just another day in another week to suffer without his Joshua.

Tyler sighs, shuts his eyes tightly and rolls away from the windowed wall.

It's quiet in the house, strangely so, Jenna's chatter and Sebastian's babbling all but ceased.

It peaks Tyler's interest and concern, and he wonders if he should get up and check on them, no matter how much he doesn't want to leave his dark cave of blankets, drowned in warmth and suffocation. 

However, the door swings open as Tyler ponders the aspect, and he hears quickened footsteps.

"Ty," Jenna whispers, and when he looks at her, her ocean eyes are full of tears and there's a crack in her sweet voice.

"Love," he breathes out quickly, sitting up and reaching out to cup her cheek, feeling panic rise in his chest as a tear escapes and rolls down her cheek, and she holds Sebastian on her hip tighter to herself. "What's wrong, what happened?"

Jenna ignores the question, quickly sitting their son beside Tyler on the bed before taking her phone, wiping her tears.

She quickly shoves the phone into Tyler's hands before he's able to ask any more questions, and he's confused at first. When his eyes catch the familiar stage of the Newport Hall, the all too familiar beats of Holding Onto You starting to play through the phone's speaker, he looks up at Jenna, feeling hurt and somewhat betrayed.

"What?" he whispers, unable to look at the screen for more than a few seconds. 

It still hurts to see Josh, so alive and walking across the stage. 

Jenna sends him an icy glare, confusing Tyler, but suddenly, there's a tiny giggle just to the left.

Tyler startles, head all but snapping to look at his little child, staring intently at the phone as his Uncle Joshie climbs the piano, standing on it.

Tyler doesn't have to look to know there are only mere seconds left before Josh executes his infamous backflip, and he watches his child closely, unable to miss the wonder and amusement in his blue eyes.

The moment Tyler hears the crowd cheer through the tiny speaker of the phone, the moment Josh goes soaring in the air, Sebastian laughs. 

But it's not the fact that he's laughing for the first time in Tyler's presence that makes his heart stop. 

It's the way his eyes squint with joy, the way he laughs so deeply from his little body that it seems to be his soul giggling, the way his tiny tongue pokes through his teeth as he throws his little head back in joyful abandon.

Tyler's unable to stop himself from gasping painfully, clutching his heart that seems to begin racing and throbbing, eyes filling with tears as he realizes it.

His child has Josh's laugh.

"Josh," he whispers brokenly.

He's frozen, staring incredulously. Jenna quietly reaches over, rewinds the video.

Josh backflips.

Sebastian laughs his laugh.

Tyler breathes out shakily, pulls Sebastian in his arms, buries his face in his brown, wispy hair as his baby continues laughing and giggling.

He's crying, and for the first time in six years, it's happy tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow the first happy ending I've ever written in a long time XD I'm still figuring out how I feel about it though... 
> 
> Maybe you could be kind enough to leave kudos or even a review of you thought my little story was worthy? I really would appreciate it so much! I hope you all are having a wonderful week <333


End file.
